Мой первый фик ;)

[AnotherLady]

На самом деле, не фик, а ориджинал, но вдохновленный во многом чтением фанфиков. Так что просто - мой первый текст. Написан в двадцать четыре года, на английском, и мне до сих пор не стыдно.

Пусть тут полежит.


Too long a sacrifice


I don't want to have his baby. Oh, I used to, I did. But not
now. And I know he wants children; anybody's children. Of
course, things now being what they are, he isn't likely to
have a child with anybody but me.

I suppose I should have seen this earlier. There were signs,
you know. But I chose to ignore them. I planned for so long,
sacrificed everything for him; I wouldn't be deterred.

I chose him years ago. I looked at the new neighbours' kid
and felt that small tug at my heart. At that moment I knew
he would be mine.

He was shy and retiring, and it wasn't difficult to become
his best friend. We were always together, and people started
calling me his girlfriend before he had any idea about what
that meant. Of course he accepted it. Everybody said I was
his girlfriend, so his girlfriend I was.

I taught him how to kiss. It was sweet and really, really
nice. He did everything I asked him to do, as always. I was
very happy that day.

Of course, he didn't look at other girls. He was mine, my
own, trustworthy and trusting. And once, just once, I felt
really sorry that I had to be his best friend. We went for a
walk as usual and for whole hour he went on and on about
that new boy in his chemistry class. I heard how smart was
that boy, how funny, how big his eyes were and how soft his
hair was.

I gritted my teeth and asked how did he know about the hair.
He said he touched it, because he wanted to. Very much. He
never touched me till I asked him. I wanted to scream and
throw things. Instead I smiled and continued asking about
his new friend.

In the end it was easier than I thought. Our school had high
academic standards. So when the new boy failed to present
several essays - he said he lost them -- and missed several
tests - he said he was told wrong classroom numbers - his
parents were quietly advised to send him to a school with
less stressful curriculum.

After this I was more careful. I watched everybody and
became quite good at this. And so I steered him clear
through the school. My teachers said I could very well try
for Harvard. But he was always going on about how good was
the chemistry faculty at our state University. So state
University it was.

I was not in a hurry to start living together. No - an
occasional night at his place (he was too shy of my
flatmates), a romantic little breakfast in bed... I had the
wedding all planned years ago so now I started to mentally
decorate our first home. Children's room, of course. He
wasn't so reserved about children as he was about everything
else. He would look so good with a baby in his arms... or
teaching our son to play ball... or leading our daughter up
the aisle - well, *this* could wait. First I had to walk up
that aisle myself.

Here I had the unexpected luck on my side. I returned from
the doctor with definite results of the test. Now he
wouldn't be so shy about asking me to marry him. I was going
to call him that evening.

But he called me first. And asked me to lunch. He didn't do
such things unexpectedly. He never did things unexpectedly.

And so I sat in the middle of the restaurant and listened to
his babbling about how sorry he was, but he had met this
wonderful man, and he waited, and didn't want to worry me,
but they were so much in love, and they were going to live
together, and he didn't want to hurt me, but I will surely
meet someone as wonderful, as right for me as his new lover
was for him...

I'm strong, you know. I wanted to scream, but I didn't. I
sat and smiled and nodded and said how happy I was for him.
I don't want to have his baby, but I will. I'm glad I didn't
tell him. Oh, I will, but not now. Later. Maybe he'll even
meet his son or daughter. After I bring this baby up.


You hear me, baby? There's something you need to know. There
are some men who sleep with other men instead of women. It's
a dreadful abomination, baby, and we must hate all such men.
You hear me, baby?..